From the Archive: Stray Cats

Worth re-reading.

Uncle Jay

If you don't already make Uncle Jay Explains the News a regular part of your week, you owe yourself three minutes to go watch an episode.

Zombies on Your Lawn

The perfect kind of video advertisement: catchy.

Jack and Squat

If you didn't catch this going around the internet yet, here is a little presidential address from last Saturday to brighten your day.

Uncle Jay Explains 2008

This is worth a listen (and a laugh).

Geeky Bible Jokes

OK, these two jokes were passed along to me this week, so I figured I'd share them.

• Abraham decided to upgrade his computer to Windows Vista. As he headed to the computer store with Isaac, Isaac asked his dad, “Father, how are we going to upgrade such an old computer?” Abraham looked at his son and replied, “Don't worry son, the Lord will provide the RAM.”
• Jesus is talking with his disciples. He tells them, “The Kingdom of God is like x² = y + 2.” One disciple leans over to another and says, “there he goes with another one of his parabolas.”

Thank you, thank you very much. Yes, I'll be here all week.

Humor

Well, like Christopher, I am trying to blog the entire month of December, so although I do not have enough energy to post much, I can at least provide some humor:

What do they call Santa's helpers?
Subordinate Clauses

What do you call Santa Clause after he's fallen into a fireplace?
Krisp Kringle

Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?
“Rude”olph

Where do Santa's reindeers like to stop for lunch?
Deery Queen

What do you call the fear of getting stuck while sliding down a
chimney?
Santa Claus-trophbia

What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about
their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad

What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbonhood

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.

How do canines in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleas Navidog.

Merry Second Week of Advent!

Do You Have a B.C.?

I heard this from my pastor this evening at Alpha:

[My friend is a rather old-fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language. She and her husband were planning a week's vacation in Florida, so she wrote to a particular campground and asked for a reservation.

She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn't quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word “toilet” in her letter. After much deliberation she finally came up with the old-fashioned term “bathroom commode.” But when she wrote that down, she still felt that she was being too forward. So she started all over again, rewrote the entire letter, and referred to the bathroom commode merely as the B.C. “Does the campground have its own B.C.?” is what she finally wrote.

Well, the campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at all, and when he got the letter he just couldn't figure out what the woman was talking about. That B.C. business really stumped him. After worrying about it for a while, he showed the letter to several campers, but no one could imagine what the lady meant, either. He knew that the Joe-kster lived in British Columbia, but that wasn’t what the lady was referring to. So the campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about the location of the Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following reply…]

Dear Madam: I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of the campground, and is capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to learn that a great number of our people take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late. If you don't start early, you probably will not make it in time. The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now, there is a supper planned to raise money to buy more seats. They're going to hold it in the basement of the B.C. I would like to say it pains me very much not being able to go more often, but it surely is no lack of desire on my part. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather. If you decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks. Remember, this is a friendly community!”

Chalk that up as a danger of being too proper!

Yeah, That'll Sell Me on the Site

I got a spam today trying to sell me on a new software download site. Here's an excerpt:

Dear user,
We take this opportunity to announce you that a new free software portal has been released, where you can find a wide diversity of software to fit all your needs.



Our website is updated every day with day 0 state of the art free to download software, for both Macintosh computers and PCs.

Yup. I always like to go to places with “0 state of the art free to download software.” Betcha y'all want me to tell you the address so that you can go too, right?

I've Been Infected with a Worm!

Thanks go to Ed.